Max Mosley's new F1 rules (Not what you think)

[Chaos81]

Sorry if it's been posted before, I did a search for a couple of them and didn't find anything.

Today the FIA announced new guidelines for F1 racing. Max Mosley, self-appointed Prime Minister of F1 Racing delivered a press conference to a group of school children in Mrs. Gladstone’s 1st grade class in Dublin, Ireland. He was quoted as saying “Just because I’m short doesn’t mean I’m stupid like everyone thinks”. “It’s a tough job getting out of bed and coming to work 5 times a year”.

Mosley recently was seen at the local 7-11 purchasing a 12 pack of cheap wine. He went home and came up with the “new” 2008 FIA F1 regulations, a summary is below:

• For the 2008 season, we will be introducing one cylinder motors, 2 cycle (gas/oil mix), in an attempt to keep our sport green.
• Kimi Raikkonen will not be allowed to smile
• A F1 transmission will cost no less than $58 mil [usd] dollars
• Drivers are not allowed to complain about anything, especially transmissions
• All wind/downforce devices will be eliminated, and replaced with perfectly square, box shaped cars so ALL competitors can feel free to compete regardless of financial status
• Briggs and Stratton and Stihl will be allowed to submit motors for testing
• All cars will have at least 16 tires, each no larger than 3” in diameter. This is to protect the starving children in Louisiana.
• All IPods must be removed from cars if the driver is a spoiled beach kid from the United States
• A new padded “temper fit room” will be provided at each track for those poor drivers that lost the race and is not their fault
• There will be no “losers” of any race. Therefore, there cannot be any winners. This is to protect overly sensitive types from self destruction and keep everyone happy.
• All cars will finish in the order they started, but numbering will start from the rear (see rule above)
• Competitors are encouraged to paint cars in exotic “earth” colors such as nuke the whales, and save the heat”
• All lights in cars will be of the low-energy florescent type
• Because Global Warming hit the USGP so hard this year, no spectators will be allowed to shower after the race. This will save enough energy to save our planet.
• The FIA’s fee for existence will be increased from 5% of F1 funding to 85% of all proceeds. This will ensure a safe, ecologically friendly sport even for those in Uganda.
• All drivers must hold hands in a large circle before each race, and thank Max Mosley for his continued oversight without which F1 would not exist. Kissing will be allowed among the French drivers.
• Speed limits will be reduced to 5mph in the pit lane to save Spotted Owls in Colorado.
• Oil spills from earth-friendly painted cars will be dealt with in a most aggressive manner.
• Selling pixels of paint on Ebay for non-polluting cars will no longer be tolerated.
• No driver is allowed to have more yachts than Max Mosley or Bernie. This is common sense and will be strictly enforced.
• The communist infidel jeweler that started the whole Monaco thing will be sent to Guantanamo Bay, Cuba for questioning.
• Imola will be torn up and a coal fired electrical plant will be built in its place. The original promoters of this track will be required to work the coal mines for a minimum of 10 years.
• The 2008 budget will provide for a prison suite, complete with terrace and beach view for any wrong-dooer that was once the Prime Minister of FIA.
• It is imperative that an addition 4 tracks be built near Bahrain. This is to stimulate the local economy, and provide the yearly budget for Spyker. But all infidels must die before construction begins.
• Parachutes will be allowed for braking mechanisms. Ex-Imola staffers will be required to constantly pick up chutes on the track during the race.
• Qualifying will be eliminated as a fuel saving measure. Cars will line up for race position in a non-offending manner so no-one will be starting last or ending first.
• Practice will be eliminated, and replaced with higher taxes to save us from global warming. All proceeds will go to private accounts of Washington politicians.
• If Ferrari wins, Michael will be allowed to jet in from wherever to indicate how he saved the day.
• If Ferrari loses, McLaren will be fined an appropriate amount for cheating.

[JeremySmith]

Briggs and Stratton and Stihl will be allowed to submit motors for testing ..... Screaming with laughter!

[Leighton Irwin]

With John David Brigg's expeience in European racing Briggs and Stratton are the odds on favourites.

[JeremySmith]

It just shows how stupid my responce was