Red Neck Drivers Application Form

[ghinzani]

You may have seen this before, not too diverse but....

------------------------------------------------
Redneck Driver's License Application
------------------------------------------------
Last name: ________________
First name (check appropriate box):
[_] Billy-Bob
[_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe
[_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray
[_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue
[_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae
[_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack
[_] Bobby-Beth-Ann
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
[_] Farmer
[_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser
[_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed
[_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _________________________
Lover's Name: ____________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother
[_] Uncle
[_] Mother
[_] Son
[_] Father
[_] Daughter
[_] Cousin
[_] Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?
Vehicles you own and where you keep them:
___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:
____ truck
____ kitchen
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ shed
Model of your pickup: _____________
Year pickup produced: 194____
Do you have a gun rack?
[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:_________________________
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:
[_] The National Enquirer
[_] The Globe
[_] MAXIM
[_] TV Guide
[_] Soap World
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO
How often do you bathe:
[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable
How many teeth? ___
Color of teeth:
[_] Yellow
[_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown
[_] Black
[_] N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:
[_] Red-Man
How far is your home from a paved road?
[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know

[Ax Slinger]

So r y'all implyin' that rednecks is stoopid er whut? I'll have yer know that NASCAW is a redneck sport, an' talk like that aroun' hea' is likey as not t' git yo backside full o' rocksalt n' bacon rinds. As mah ol' uncle Roy Redneck wud say... How big'a boy are ya?

[ghinzani]

I say old boy are you acquainted with Bo and Luke Duke by any chance?

[Jay]

excellent mate!! this is probably more for the gravel trap's replacement (coming to a forum near you!), but still great stuff!

[muggle not]

Here's another good one. How do they spell Nascar in French Canadian. OOOOps, I forgot the French Canadians can't spell.

[429CJ]

I want a license for the name Lee Enfield.

[MrSal]

Originally posted by muggle not
Here's another good one. How do they spell Nascar in French Canadian. OOOOps, I forgot the French Canadians can't spell.

Rather harsh.

[muggle not]

Originally posted by MrSal


Rather harsh.

I agree MrSal. In a moment of weakness I made the post in retaliation to the previous post.

The whole thread is an insult to Nascar and in particular to "Southerners" living in the United States.

[ghinzani]

Originally posted by muggle not
I agree MrSal. In a moment of weakness I made the post in retaliation to the previous post.

The whole thread is an insult to Nascar and in particular to "Southerners" living in the United States.

Its OK I'm a Southener too...

[RaceFanStan]

Originally posted by ghinzani
Its OK I'm a Southener too...

..... and your topic has what to do with NASCAR ?
you are a southerner ? a southerner what ?

[Ax Slinger]

I think the proper term is either "Hillbilly" or "Hick". And I disagree that the joke posted is an insult to NASCAR or hillbillies in general. Us hicks love good jokes. I got some doosies I dare not post here. I might git fared if'n I di thayut.

[ghinzani]

Originally posted by Stan_MarlinMan
..... and your topic has what to do with NASCAR ?
you are a southerner ? a southerner what ?

More than it has to do with the tributes forum for instance, in the absence of the gravel trap this was the nearest repository.

Southerner as in I live in the dirty South as Mr Ludacris would have it, only I lives in the Sarf of Engerland and thats over in the yoo-kay.

[Lee Janotta]

Originally posted by Tim B
I think the proper term is either "Hillbilly" or "Hick". And I disagree that the joke posted is an insult to NASCAR or hillbillies in general. Us hicks love good jokes. I got some doosies I dare not post here. I might git fared if'n I di thayut.

Ah, actually, Hillbilly, Hick, and Redneck (one word) all have quite different connotations.

"Hillbilly" is very specific, referring to someone living in the extremely rural areas of the Appalacian mountains. Hillbillies can range from brilliant constitutional scholars to grossly inbred morons who can't so much as tie their own shoes.

"Hick" is a derogitory term applied to anyone from a rural area.

"Redneck" is more a state of mind than anything else. Though native to the southeast, Rednecks have migrated throughout the United States and portions of Canada, often interbreeding with native populations of narrow-minded linear-thinking knuckle-draggers. Rednecks are indentified by a predilication towards full-size trucks (American brands _only_, and 90% of the time, painted white), poorly informed but loudly voiced opinions, a virulent hatred of anyone with an education past the 12th grade, a lack of tolerance for any culture divergent from their own, and a short temper.

[ghinzani]

But Lee, Uncle Jesse had a big white truck?? and he had no racial prejudices!

[Ax Slinger]

And should I then hate myself? I went to Auburn University, which I believe qualifies me as having an education past the 12th grade.

And my truck is blue...

[Roselady3]

WTF is going on in here???
& what does it have to do with NASCAR or ASCAR racing??

There is no bigger NASCAR fan than myself. I am educated, I do not live in the south, I am not RURAL. I am not a redneck, Hick, Hillbilly or any other of the stereo types that you have labled NASCAR fans to be.

Take your stereotypical assumations & put them where the sun doesn't shine.

[Jay]

Originally posted by muggle not
Here's another good one. How do they spell Nascar in French Canadian. OOOOps, I forgot the French Canadians can't spell.

Now that's just stating the obvious....

[Fish_Flake]

OK, I live on the virtual border of cosmopolitan society and Hillbilly country; the foothills of north Georgia, specifically Cherokee, Forsyth, Dawson, and Hall counties. Now, the rule of thumb on hillbillies is that the further north of Atlanta you go, or the further from Lake Lanier, the population of "mountain whites" (PC term) increases.

Rednecks fall in all financial brackets. A rich redneck will drive an F-250, even an F-350, or possibly a Dodge; a middle-class redneck will drive an F-150, and a poor redneck will drive a Ranger or a Chevrolet. Wannabe rednecks, transplanted Northerners or Westerners looking to fit in, drive SUVs. The guy who drives a Mercedes SUV has to take a serious look at his life.

Hick has nothing to do with the Southeastern U.S. A hick is a corn-fed farmboy or farmgirl from the Midwest who live in towns with populations that would not fill low-minor league ballparks and are surrounded on all sides by corn or soybean fields. A hick knows how to drive a tractor. A hick's first job was detassling corn in a 4-H function. A hick can tell you his or her history in the chicken and livestock scrambles at the county fair. A hick thinks that fine dining is a Dairy Queen, and shops at either Farm King or Farm & Fleet.

Then, there are Texans, who fall in a bracket all their own, actually two brackets. There is the east Texan, who is the most hypocritical, self-righteous, vulgar, greedy, and indulgent person you can imagine, personified by J.R. Ewing from "Dallas." What do they call the non-smoking section at a restaurant in Texas? The table in the back. There is also the west Texan, who are some of the rough-and-tumble people around, the modern-day cowboy stereotype. West Texas isn't exactly a theme-park oasis, so they have to be tough. The east and west Texan share a lot of qualities, but the east Texan leans more to the South, and the west Texan more to the West.

Ask a Southerner, a Midwesterner, a Westerner, and a Texan what "country" stands for, and the only similarity between their definitions will be that all of them will claim to have invented the rodeo.

[oily oaf]

Absolutely classic post . One minor gripe though. What exactly is wrong with being a mechanic?

[ghinzani]

Originally posted by oily oaf
Absolutely classic post . One minor gripe though. What exactly is wrong with being a mechanic?

Dunno but I'm from a farming family... so I guess I'm a farmer. I'm looking more and more stereotypical!

[oily oaf]

Well I don't know about you but as a mechanic of many years standing I was outraged at this uncalled for slur on my noble profession. I mean to say it's only on very rare occasions that I find myself romanticaly drawn to my prize hog or indeed my faithful coon hound Misty

[ghinzani]

Originally posted by oily oaf
my faithful coon hound Misty

Can you say that these days??

[oily oaf]

Absolutely not!

[RaceFanStan]

Originally posted by ghinzani
... Southerner as in I live in the dirty South
... only I lives in the Sarf of Engerland and thats over in the yoo-kay.

I thought that you were the southern end of a northbound mule.

[Fish_Flake]

Thank you, Ali G.